


The Thing with Feathers

by lossie



Category: Naruto
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fourth Shinobi War, Hurt/Comfort, I Will Go Down With This Ship, Smut, The Author Regrets Nothing, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-30
Updated: 2020-01-30
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:53:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22482118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lossie/pseuds/lossie
Summary: He deserved so much more. She supposed she deserved better too. Then again they all did.Life just wasn’t particularly fond of dealing in fairness.
Relationships: Haruno Sakura & Hatake Kakashi, Haruno Sakura/Hatake Kakashi
Comments: 17
Kudos: 150





	The Thing with Feathers

**Author's Note:**

> Oh my, I can’t believe I finally finished this story! It’s been a long time coming. I'm actually kind of sad that this is it, at least for now. I'm sorely tempted to continue with this universe, so if you would be potentially interested in more, please let me know!
> 
> Special dedication to all the lovely people in the kakasaku fandom - guys, you are awesome and I love you 💕
> 
> Please enjoy and don’t forget to leave kudos/comments!

_“Hope” is the thing with feathers -  
_ _That perches in the soul -_  
_And sings the tune without the words -  
_ _And never stops - at all_

-Emily Dickinson

Waking up felt like wading through particularly thick fog. For a moment she refused to open her eyes, rightfully afraid that she would be forced to come face to face with Sasuke’s frigid gaze as he once again called her annoying and then proceeded to pierce her heart as if it was going out of style. For some reason the idea of it happening did not hurt as much as she thought it would. The act itself, although only an illusion, had been agonizing and needlessly cruel, but it failed to inflict the emotional pain she probably should have experienced.

Somebody important to her has tried to kill her. Again. By all the rules of the universe she should be heartbroken, not downright apathetic about it. As far as she knew nobody was particularly fond of being murdered by their supposed friend. The truth of the matter was that Sakura came to expect the worst from Sasuke. Whether it was through words or actions, or a combination of both, he seemed to have spent a lot of time responding to her affection, and all acts of kindness in general, with either stone cold indifference or outright aggression. Therefore she was somewhat prepared for his volatile response to yet another confession – a confession that had sounded hollow even to her own ears.

She sighed before hesitantly blinking her eyes open. Although she was no chakra sensor, she was somehow certain that Sasuke and Naruto were long gone. Somewhere out there they were fighting each other to the death or had already managed to finish each other off. No amount of faith in Naruto’s ability to talk his way out of even the most perilous situation could make her believe that the world as she knew it was not about to end. According to the Sage of Six Paths both seals on the boys’ hands were required to undo the Infinite Tsukuyomi. If they succeeded in killing each other, all those under the influence of the powerful genjutsu would remain asleep forever. Sakura was not afraid of dying, but the thought of being left so utterly alone filled her with dread. The wasteland all around her, composed only of rocks and dirt, and the mercilessly scorching sun, only made her apprehension grow. She didn’t want to die in this place, lonely and surrounded by nothing.

A part of the surface she has been propped against shifted, making her aware that she was leaning on someone. She looked up and blinked drowsily at Kakashi’s profile.

 _Of course_.

She almost forgot that he must have been too exhausted to chase after the boys. If she remembered correctly, he had been unable to keep himself standing after spending most of his chakra in the fight against Kaguya. His eyes were closed and he was breathing deeply, but she was fairly certain he wasn’t sleeping. He was not known to lower his guard when one of his comrades was out of commission, which Sakura always found admirable about him. His unwavering loyalty to those he cared about was one of the reasons she held him in such high regard.

“Kakashi?” She whispered. Her voice sounded rough and scratchy, as if she hadn’t used it in ages. Then again she had been unconscious for Kami knows how long, so it was not that surprising. “Are you okay?”

A low noncommittal hum was her only answer as he turned in her direction a moment later, looking at her through half-lidded eyes that showed clearly how tired he was. Given the circumstances, she was torn between worried and impressed that he hadn’t passed out yet.

“That’s not an answer.” Although she was aiming for a light-hearted jab, it came out strained.

Kakashi snorted quietly. “Been better, been worse,” he informed her. For some reason she was fairly certain he would have shrugged if her chin wasn’t resting on his shoulder.

“Not the reassurance I was looking for.”

“Sorry,” Kakashi told her with the trademark eye crinkle. Sakura suspected he wasn’t actually smiling, but rather just humouring her. “You have to admit that with my track record, it is a miracle I’m actually still here.”

“Don’t joke about that, Kakashi,” she admonished him softly. “After everything we’ve been through I don’t want to think about more death.”

“Aa.”

They were quiet for a long time afterwards, both lost in their thoughts.

Kakashi turned away from her, staring into the distance. His eyes were tinged with the same sorrow she felt reverberating through her body down to her very soul. She had noticed it a while ago, this sadness he seemed so keen to keep under wraps at all times. Ever the enigma, he rarely let it show, but Sakura got to know him better in the recent months and she could see it clearly now. He wore his mistakes like armour with chinks made of regrets. Sometimes it was so obvious that he has been hurt more than was anyone’s due. She could clearly recall his every flinch when somebody moved too fast or touched him unexpectedly; how he would grow despondent on some days, withdrawing from the world almost completely. Those glimpses into what she suspected to be a tragic past made her admire him even more. It took a great amount of strength to pull through when all one ever encountered was heartache.

He deserved so much more. She supposed she deserved better too. Then again they all did. Life just wasn’t particularly fond of dealing in fairness.

She didn’t realize she started crying until Kakashi tugged her onto his lap and into the comfort of his arms, his steady warmth engulfing her completely. She had shed so many tears already that it seemed pointless to cry anymore, but she just couldn’t stop. Her breath hitched a few times as she fought against the need to let it all go before she finally gave up and allowed herself to break down into sobs, the stress and anguish accompanying the last few days finally reaching a crescendo.

Sakura didn’t like crying. It reminded her too much of her genin days and how pathetic she had been back then, but Kami, did it feel good. She hadn’t been this out of sorts in what felt like forever. Since the war began, she had tried to keep everything in. All her worries, all her heartache, all her insecurities kept at bay as she pretended to be alright in order to spare other people from what she saw as petty problems, largely insignificant in the grand scheme of things.

“I’m so stupid,” she hiccupped. “How could I let myself turn into such an idiot?”

“Not true,” Kakashi muttered into her hair. “Love doesn’t make you stupid.”

Sakura snorted mirthlessly. “It sure as hell doesn’t make me feel particularly smart either.”

“Well, I don’t think it’s supposed to. In my limited experience, I believe love is a bit of a gamble. You never quite know how it’s going to turn out.” It was easy to imagine him smiling one of those incredibly sad smiles as he said that. “If nothing else, giving your heart and faith away like that makes you brave.”

“I sounds like a different way of saying I’m an idiot,” Sakura said as she pulled away to look at Kakashi. He was smiling just like she suspected.

“I don’t think so. You just seem to have a penchant for lost causes.”

That statement, although a bit blunt, was also very true. Sakura had enough self-awareness to admit she had wanted to save Sasuke, both from himself and the rest of the world. From the very beginning of her infatuation she saw him as this poor, lonely soul in desperate need of love and understanding. The problem was that Sasuke never really needed her. He didn’t want her bleeding heart either and it took her way too long to realize it.

“I spent years chasing after a shadow and when I thought I finally got him, got _to_ him, he disappeared in a poof of smoke. Like he was never there to begin with.” She sighed heavily, lying back against Kakashi’s chest. “The funny thing is I could have easily fallen for someone else, someone _better_. It’s not like there’s a shortage of attractive guys around.”

Kakashi laughed at that. She could feel it reverberate through his body.

“And who would you have picked? Anyone in particular that could have stolen your heart?” He asked softly with a smile in his voice, humouring her.

“You wouldn’t be half bad. You would at least remember my birthday, wouldn’t you?” She said without thinking.

The silence that fell as her words sunk in was thick enough to be cut with a knife. She had just called him attractive in a somewhat convoluted way while simultaneously expressing some level of potential interest in his person. To say the situation was mortifying would have been a huge understatement. Sakura could feel herself blushing and she was suddenly very aware of their close proximity. Her heart was beating so fast she swore she could hear it. To make matters worse, she could actually feel Kakashi’s heartbeat speed up too, which made it almost impossible for her to calm down.

“Meh, you’re wrong,” Kakashi said after a while. “I’m actually horrible with dates.”

Sakura wanted to pull away and stay where she was all at once. His words read like a confession she wasn’t expecting to hear. A confession of what was yet to be determined. She didn’t miss the double meaning in them either. They left her feeling breathless and lightheaded.

How was she supposed to respond to that?

What was the proper way to react?

She didn’t want anything like that from him.

Or did she?

It was not as if she had never noticed that Kakashi was an attractive man. Objectively speaking, it made sense that she would at one point or another develop a bit of a crush on him. That’s how those things worked, right?

She closed her eyes and, for a moment, let her mind wander in the direction she rarely ever allowed it go.

To her surprise, her mind almost immediately conjured an image of a lazy morning. She could almost see the clouds heavy with rain through the windows in her old apartment in Konoha. The air would be slightly warm and damp, with the promise of rain. It would have been their day off or just a random day when they woke up early enough to spend time together before each of them went their separate ways for the day. She imagined Kakashi’s strong arms wrapping her in a hug. He would carry a faint scent of her favourite fabric softener and it would be mixed with his own. They would stay like this, hugging and possibly drinking coffee or tea, for as long as possible.

The fantasy, no matter how fleeting and seemingly far-fetched, made her smile. There was something understated yet alluring about the simplicity of that scene. It was warmth and safety, and all she should have wanted wrapped into one.

A heady feeling of sudden realization stalled her heart for a second as she admitted to herself for the first time that she might have some feelings for Kakashi that went slightly beyond friendship and that he might be able to return them. It was a possibility that she hasn't entertained much before, but was not unwelcome.

There was a barely noticeable tremor in her voice when she spoke, “I guess it cannot be helped as you already forgot this year.”

“Really now?”

“Yeah. Eighteenth.” She pulled away a bit and looked at him with a soft smile. “I forgot too. I realized that it passed after a few weeks. Was too busy, I guess.”

“Now I feel even worse,” Kakashi responded.

Sakura shrugged. “Don’t. There’s nothing to be done about it. I’d have loved to celebrate it, sure, but it’s not like I could have held a party in the middle of the war. Besides, it’s just another year passing. It doesn’t matter.”

Kakashi said nothing to that. He kept looking at her though, matching grey eyes focused solely on her face as if he was trying to figure something out. She still wasn’t used to the intensity of his gaze as it was now.

After a while Sakura started to wonder if she had finally said too much. She was seconds away from asking him to just forget she said anything when he finally spoke again.

“Close your eyes.”

She blinked at him owlishly.

“Do you trust me?” He asked and she didn’t hesitate to nod. “Then please, close your eyes.”

She spared him one last look before she did it. For a moment nothing seemed to happen. Then she felt Kakashi move and she heard him take a few deep, even breaths, as if he was getting ready for something.

“You can open your eyes now,” he whispered after what felt like forever.

Steeling herself against whatever surprise Kakashi had up his sleeve, Sakura did as she was told.

It took her a second to realize that she was looking at him – truly looking at him as he was – for the first time. He was so beautiful she couldn’t quite process it for a moment. She had expected him to be fairly good-looking based on what his mask failed to conceal, but she was a bit surprised by how handsome he was or how impossibly young he actually looked. There was a small mole to the left of his mouth. He had the most adorable dimples that showed when he smiled even just a little. There was sharpness to his smile that she wasn’t expecting, but found herself liking more and more by the minute.

She slowly raised her shaking hands and softly brushed her fingers against his cheeks, trying to commit his face to memory in case this was both her first and last chance to see it.

“Happy birthday, Sakura-chan,” he murmured.

There was something impossibly tender and warm in his gaze as he said it. Sakura could feel it as acutely as any physical touch. Her hands moved up his face. She removed his forehead protector and discarded it somewhere to the side. She ran her hands through his hair, momentarily mesmerized by the picture he made and how soft the silver strands felt against her skin. It was so different from how she was used to seeing him. His face was so emotive too, probably more so than was strictly safe for any ninja. Wondering if it was the reason why he wore the mask in the first place, she moved her hands away from his hair and settled them loosely around his neck.

Even if he looked different, she knew he was still the same man.

He was still quintessentially just _Kakashi_.

Kakashi who was loyal to a fault. Kakashi who has never left her behind. Kakashi who always cared about her safety before his own. Kakashi who has become one of her closest friends. Kakashi who was here with her now.

She slowly leaned down, pure instinct guiding her. She tried to give him time to back away or to say something in case she read this all wrong. He didn’t seem to be against her actions though. Encourage by his lack of resistance she brought him closer before she kissed him hard, square on the mouth.

Within moments she was pressed against him, chest to chest, with her legs on either side of his, and the two of them were kissing as if their very lives depended on it.

She bit his lower lip, eliciting a breathy moan for her efforts. His tongue brushed tentatively against hers a moment later and she responded immediately, granting him entrance and letting him take the lead. The way he kissed her, like she was air that he needed to inhale in order to survive, made her forget her name. Stories could be written about the gentle desperation of this moment. It was also pure, unadulterated insanity, but Sakura has decided that their situation called for a bit of self-indulgent craziness. Or maybe this entire war has finally cracked her and she somehow lost her marbles along the way. Otherwise, she couldn’t quite explain why she was tugging on Kakashi’s hair quite so viciously or why it felt so liberating to feel him become hard as their kiss deepened and became more frantic. Soon enough his hands on her hips were coaxing her to move back and forth in a steady rhythm that made both of them groan at the delicious friction the movement seemed to create.

She has never felt such a burning need to be closer to someone as she did now.

When their lips parted after a few long minutes, they didn’t withdraw from the comforting warmth of their embrace. Instead, Kakashi pressed his forehead against hers, his eyes closed and his breath ghosting lightly against her swollen mouth. Although her lids felt heavy, she couldn’t force herself to stop looking at him. It seemed almost perverse how fascinated she was with the subtle curl to his lips that was a shy beginning to another smile or the shadow his long silver lashes cast on his high cheekbones.

He looked almost serene and Sakura couldn’t help but smile at that.

With a soft sigh she lightly pressed her lips against his once more. Her heart sped up when he responded to her gentle ministrations with a lingering kiss of his own that quickly turned more heated.

The need to be closer and to feel alive when everything seemed to be falling apart around them was overpowering. For a moment it was so incredibly easy to forget where they were and what was happening that Sakura honesty didn’t know if she could force herself to reconsider her decision to go ahead with whatever was about to happen. She wondered briefly if they would regret this unexpected connection that has developed between them when the adrenaline rush was over. Yet, she couldn’t foresee either of them slowing down or stopping, even though she knew it would have been the most sensible thing to do.

“Please tell me to stop,” he whispered against her mouth as one of his hands sneaked under her shirt to caress the bare skin of her lower back.

“Please don’t stop,” she breathed out softly instead.

He kissed her hard in response. It was needier than before, a sort of confirmation of their mutual desire. His clever fingers travelled up and down her spine a few times before he moved his left hand to her ribcage, the pad of his thumb brushing against the underside of her breasts, which were covered by bindings, but no less sensitive because of it. He repeated the motion a few times, each one more insistent then the last. When he finally managed to find the knot keeping the material covering her tight, he quickly untied it, letting it loosen and then unravel. Without hesitation he cupped her breasts, kneading them gently.

She broke the kiss with a gasp when his fingers found her hardened nipples, wholly unprepared for her strong reaction to his touch. He pressed butterfly kisses on her cheek before moving to her neck. All the while his hands continued their ministrations, driving her crazy in the process. She urged him for more still, pushing her fingers into his hair and tugging him closer.

Before long his hands moved lower, calloused fingers dancing along her ribcage and sides, and then continued their torturous journey downwards until they reached the waistline of her standard issue pants. Kakashi seemed content to keep his hands there for a while. At some point they started kissing again, but his kisses were more languid now, much softer than before, although still just as intoxicating. After a few minutes he broke the kiss and gently urged her to move up a bit so he could finally loosen her pants. She tensed momentarily as his fingers moved tantalizingly slow across her lower belly. He clearly enjoyed teasing her, which she surprisingly didn’t mind.

They were barely a breath away, lips almost touching, when he finally moved his hand lower. Sakura pressed her forehead against his and closed her eyes, savouring the pleasure his touch brought her.

It felt different to be touched by somebody else, she thought fleetingly. It didn’t feel weird or intrusive as she always feared it would. Instead it was strangely freeing. There was a certain high to letting Kakashi in so close – to letting him see her so open, unguarded, and vulnerable.

She trembled and sighed every time he found a particularly enjoyable spot, and he took notice. Still a little embarrassed, she didn’t dare open her eyes as he brought her closer and closer to the edge. Her hands were holding onto his jounin jacket for dear life and it was only a matter of time before the fabric ripped. She couldn’t make herself care. She wanted Kakashi to be closer, even though they were already pressed as close as possible and basically breathing the same air.

He slowly pushed one finger inside her. The combination of one of his fingers moving in and out of her in a steady rhythm, and his thumb pressing against that sensitive bundle of nerves at the apex of her thighs made her buckled her hips against his hand. She was so worked up by this point that it took only a few more stokes to make her come.

She was pretty sure she screamed his name as she did so.

Afterwards Sakura all but sagged against Kakashi, her head pressed against his shoulder. Her breathing was laboured and heavy, but she didn’t feel exhausted. There was a pleasant buzz of newly awaken energy that made her feel hot all over. Being this close to Kakashi wasn’t helping the feeling any, especially considering the fact that he still had one of his hands in her pants.

He was the first to break the silence. “Fuck,” he cursed into her neck, making her shiver. His voice sounded much deeper than usual.

Her answering silence was a clear enough response. She couldn’t make herself talk, as if all the air has been sucked out of her. Her body went tense as she wondered if this was the moment when at least one of them would come to their senses. For whatever reason, she didn’t want it to happen. Not now when she had been finally able to grasp a bit of happiness, even if it was probably screwed up to think like that.

Dreading a rejection that somehow seemed inevitable, Sakura decided to act.

She sat up and, looking Kakashi straight in the eye, she started to slowly unzip his jacket. His eyes widened a little as if he was surprised by her boldness, but he didn’t try to stop her. When the jacket was undone all the way, she moved it partially of his shoulders and splayed her hands against his chest. His shirt was torn in a crisscross pattern. She could see the faint outline of the horrible injury he sustained during his fight with Obito. It scarred, even though she had done her best to minimize the damage as much as possible. Although it wasn’t her fault that he was injured, she felt sorry that she couldn’t do more. If there was a man who didn’t deserve more pain and scars, it was surely Kakashi.

Slowly, deliberately, she bent down and pressed her lips against his jaw. She trailed open-mouthed, soft kisses against his skin. He sighed quietly at the seemingly innocent touch. Feeling slightly braver, she moved her hands down as she continued kissing him. They trembled when she got to the edge of his shirt and pushed it aside so she could finally press her fingers against his skin. She continued her hesitant exploration, curious fingers mapping the contours of his upper body.

Even though she had seen Kakashi without a shirt more than once, she soon realized that this wasn’t the same at all. The setting and circumstances couldn’t be more different, and so were her feelings. She had never touched him in such an intimate way – had rarely allowed herself to touch anyone in this manner, if she was being completely honest. It felt so much more personal than anything else they have ever done. Even more so than chakra healing, which Sakura always considered to be an overwhelmingly private experience for both the patient and the medic. Understanding why she felt this way wasn’t difficult. Kakashi didn’t let many people in and he wasn’t a very tactile person. Being allowed to touch him so freely made her acutely aware just how much he trusted her.

Her soft kisses stopped at the corner of his mouth, just shy of turning into something else. Kakashi didn’t seem interested in waiting for her to decide if she wanted to kiss him again or not, because he turned his head her way a split second later, capturing her lips in an almost bruising kiss. She wondered absentmindedly how it was possible for one man to be able to kiss in so many different ways, each one expressing a new emotion.

The closer proximity made their current position a bit awkward though. Sakura gasped against Kakashi’s lips when he finally removed his hand from its previous place between her legs, slowly dragging it against her oversensitive flesh. They continued kissing as his hands settled comfortably on her hips, pulling her close. For a time it was enough, but soon they both grew impatient. In a frenzy of eager hands and clever manoeuvring, they finally ended up sufficiently undressed to move forward.

When he entered her, she cringed a bit at how uncomfortable it was. She was still a bit too sensitive to enjoy it and her inner muscles spasmed against him in protest, making it almost painful to move. She was willing to push through it, but Kakashi must have realized that he was causing her pain.

“Do you want me to stop?” he whispered, stilling the movement of her hips completely.

Sakura shook her head. “I-I just need to relax, t-that’s all,” she panted.

He only nodded in response, apparently trusting her judgement.

Relaxing was easier said than done though. She couldn’t stop thinking that this was going too fast, much faster than it should. Only a few hours ago she had been completely oblivious to having any feelings for Kakashi besides friendship and yet now she was letting him closer than anyone before. Was she actually crazy? And by that logic, weren’t they both? At the same time an equally big part of her wanted to continue, consequences be damned. She needed to feel a connection; needed to be sure she wasn’t alone. And even though she couldn’t be sure about Kakashi’s reasoning for going along with this, she suspected it might be similar to hers.

She took measured deep breaths to calm down. As time passed it seemed to be working. She slowly became more and more accustomed to his girth, and he was able to slide all the way in. She whimpered at the sensation. It felt both like too much and too little.

“Alright?” Kakashi asked, his voice tight. There was worry etched into the depths of his dark grey eyes.

In lieu of an answer she hesitantly moved her hips. It made them both groan. She did it again, just to see if it would feel as good the second time. It did.

They tried to find a comfortable rhythm, which wasn’t an easy task. Their movements felt clumsy and uncoordinated, as if they were completely out of sync. Sakura hissed when a particular angle rubbed her the wrong way and quickly readjusted. When they tried again, it felt much better. As they continued at the same slow and steady pace, Sakura decided to experiment a bit and rolled her hips on the way down.

She saw stars.

“Ka-kashi,” she choked out brokenly. His only answer was a muffled groan.

It suddenly felt as if they had known how to move together like this their entire lives. Each time he slid back into her brought her pleasure, rubbing in just the right place to make her want to scream. And to her embarrassment, she did scream quite a lot.

As for Kakashi, he was surprisingly quiet. If she had ever given it any thought whatsoever – and she didn’t – Sakura would have pegged him for a dirty talker. With his nose perpetually stuck in porn masquerading as romance and a somewhat raunchy sense of humour it seemed to be a given. Apparently she would have been dead wrong. He was very gentle with her, his every gesture a deliberate caress meant to bring her pleasure. Just the way he looked at her with those dark smouldering eyes was enough to make her shiver. Still, while he wasn’t particularly vocal, every time he did make a sound he would either breathe it against her skin or into her ear. It was very erotic and Sakura found herself trying to do everything to coax those breathy moans out of him.

At the rate they were going, it did take long to bring them over the edge. Sakura came first and Kakashi followed not long after. She could feel the aftershocks of her second orgasm reverberate through her whole body in tiny muscle twitches and spasm that were both strangely pleasurable and a bit uncomfortable. She collapsed onto her partner a moment later completely spent and aching all over, her cheek pressed snugly against his neck.

As she tried to recover her breath once again, her eyes closed, she realized that she could finally understand what it meant to truly feel safe. After such a long time of nearly constant uncertainty, it felt wonderful to let go of the part of her subconsciousness that was always on high alert, even if it was only temporary. She was lethargic and warm all over, and she didn’t really care that she was partially naked from the waist down or that she was probably a sweaty mess. Kakashi was rubbing soothing circles into her back with one hand while the other was still holding onto her bare thigh. She could easily imagine herself falling asleep like this. It was problematic for a myriad of reason, none of which she wanted to consider just now.

Sakura sighed. She knew that at some point she would have to address what has just happened – they both would. Preferably sooner rather than later. They had walked right into this mess together and they would have to dig themselves out of it too. The prospect of it happening at some point in the near future, and the multitude of implications behind it, scared her. Their future was uncertain as of yet, shrouded in doubt, but she promised herself that if they somehow made it out alive, she would be brave about it.

Because even if she didn’t love him yet, she knew she could and that he would be worthy of it.

**Author's Note:**

> Just so you know, I sketched something for this story a few days ago. You can find it in the ART tab on my tumblr (lossie92) 😉


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